Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
