Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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