I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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