Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
is that a dick in a sweater?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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