please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
