I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
