I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
