My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
