I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Let's get the cat blown out
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
