I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
