the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
