I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
