They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
