i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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