Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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