i just wanna soil my oats bro
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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