half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
