Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
