party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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