I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
