Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
