Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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