Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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