kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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