I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
