we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
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shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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