More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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