i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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