she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
