My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
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