That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
