i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
