im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
