Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
