Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
how does that bad decision feel?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
