I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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