Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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