There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
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There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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