i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
