I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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