Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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