forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
