She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
