At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
