Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
