when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you would pick up someone in the library
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
