So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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