i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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