OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
