at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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