I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself