2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My first STD was from a foam party
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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