drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy