what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
