I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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