By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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