I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think I won the penis lottery.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize