paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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