JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
