I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
