And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
