What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
