So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
