I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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