So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
