4 words: hood of his car
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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