So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
