i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
