She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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