i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
