I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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