don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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