they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
