i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
