Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I love having hate sex.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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