i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
