I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
