i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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