just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
