Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
