Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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