The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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