are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
