Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
