The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize